Oh! look at her, such a lovely outfit! Really, you like it? I think she is looking so skinny and lanky in it, sorry but not my taste! Do you think she is anorexic? Have you ever noticed how she butters her boss! Hmmm! Maybe it will help her get the long overdue raise! Wow! that piece of exquisite jewelry, am sure she spent a lot of money and bought it purely on credit! OMG! that is such a chic haircut, but nah she is not carrying it well at all! OOOPS! Now let’s be honest, how many times have we made such needless comments! We all do and often time are caught in a situation where we get carried away and blurt out such disparaging words for others.
Well, such is the innocent contentment we get with gossip! We all know that gossiping is bad, but still continue to do so. A few catty and barbed words, and we feel it gives us some vent relief! Often times we indulge in this so called ‘guilty pleasure’ knowing that it could be derogatory and judge mental at the same time.
We as human beings have a natural instinct to be curious about other’s lives. When, where, why, what, how are words that constantly permeate our brain. If the listener is enraptured in the gossip, it obviously gives a boost and two thumbs up to the other party. A social bond gets created at a very different level and ‘BOOM’ there is the start of a new found relationship! Paul Coleman, a clinical psychologist and author of ‘Finding Peace When your Heart Is In Pieces’, explains that ‘people who have friends who are big gossipers eventually realize that the friendship was not as sturdy as they may have believed, and that, their relationship was held together by the false intimacy that comes from gossiping about others’!
We always think that women are the notorious ones who are actively involved in this activity. Have you ever asked a guy, if they gossip, you will hear a loud rabid comment ‘NO, Of Course Not’! They do not consider their locker room banter talks as gossip at all, you know it’s called ‘Healthy Discussion’! Really? But did you know that 55% of men gossip versus 67% of women! Now that was some interesting factual information for me! Then why are women the scapegoats and always become the subject of criticism? Men use the fancy word ‘Networking’ and mainly discuss politics, businesses, activities and ladders to success, making it effortless for them to get away with it. On the other hand women have all the juicy tidbits and easily fall prey to controversies!
But have you ever thought how much this form of self-created social bonding can be detrimental to healthy relationships? Innately we may be drawn to talk about others and pass judgements but in turn this critique only impacts us as an individual. Obviously, we become the bad one, deeply tarnish our own reputation and that leaves a huge trail of suspicion for others. Psychoanalyst Virginie Meggle, says ‘ When you recognize the aggression within your self vented gossip, this can lead to a greater self-knowledge and acceptance of your darker side. When we stop feeling like the targeted victim we can invest all that time on self- development instead’!
Have you heard of this quote” The key to good eves dropping and gossiping is to not getting caught”~ Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book
Let’s face the facts, we all gossip. I DO TOO!! No one has ever escaped from this form of amusement! However, in future, when there is an urge to gossip, pause, think and rethink, what if I get caught? Sounds ludicrous, but this is true! Become selfish and imagine what if you are the subject of some zany talk in the other room! Not very pleasing to your ears, right? Attempt to stop it at the source, shift the focus and engage in a meaningful conversation. Don’t become the victim but instead walk away and attempt to become a wholesome person!
With all my love- God Bless